Despite the horrible things he did behind my back, I love him. Showing compassion and support to someone dealing with substance use disorder is completely appropriate. But sometimes, people may find themselves trying to force a positive change on their loved ones. Like most people, you probably feel the need to help your loved one with addiction. You might fear that their predicament could worsen if you don’t help.
Rules You Shouldn’t Break While Handling Someone’s Addiction
To understand how to live with a loved one who has an addiction, it’s important to first learn the driving forces behind the addiction itself. The first goal is to understand addiction and its potential effects on your household and relationships. This is also the case if your loved one is in recovery. Remember the times you’ve helped the addict or alcoholic in your life. Do you think those people had a reason to feel shame because they asked for your help? Many of us are hesitant to ask for help, particularly if we have had the role of spouse or partner to an alcoholic or addict.
Only getting enjoyment out of love or a relationship
When you love someone with addiction, loving an addict setting and maintaining boundaries is crucial. Learn assertive techniques and when to say no. Setting boundaries and practicing tough love can help you from enabling your loved one’s behaviors while allowing you to care for yourself.
Stay on top of latest health news from Harvard Medical School.
Even if they’ve been reluctant to see a therapist in the past, the realization that you are detaching may be enough for them to reconsider. All you can do is provide information and hope that they choose to use it. It’s increasingly common for someone to be diagnosed with a condition such as ADHD or autism as an adult. A diagnosis often brings relief, but it can also come with as many questions as answers. You should also try to find things that you enjoy doing for yourself, and you should work on creating the life that you want without the inclusion of the addict.
Loving an Addict or Alcoholic: How to Help Them and Yourself
However, by naming the problem, you empower yourself to take control of your responses and separate what you can change from what you cannot. Loving someone with an addiction is painful, but accepting that no one can change another is actually healing in that you stop blaming yourself for something you cannot control. There are some steps you can take once you have decided the time has come to let go of an addict you love. The experience of loving an addict can be slightly different for everyone, but there are some general commonalities that most people say they experience.
- But I accept the reality that is and I will continue to do for myself what they could not do for themselves so my children will not share the struggles of the past.
- Our words arise from blind reaction, not thoughtful choice.
- My friends just tell me to leave him, but they don’t understand.
- There’s no shortage of addiction-related “how to” guides floating around.
I wish we could have had it together, and I don’t think that I will ever stop wishing that. Instead, I have learned to love in healthy ways. I have learned to take care of myself and dare I say it, like myself. But I couldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for my family. I will not continue the family heirloom of addiction and self-abandonment.